Movies of our Lives

If there was a movie made of my life, I think the title might be either "Tales of the Unexpected"
(stolen from Roald Dahl) or "Oh No, Not Again" (stolen from a line from Douglas Adams).

It would be about all the times that I just get used to life being a certain way, and lupus suddenly changes everything in an instant.

There would be the "hey I think this flare's over" followed immediately by "I don't think I can get out of bed."

There would be diagnosis, re-diagnosis, un-diagnosis, re-re-diagnosis.

There would be pills started, pills replaced, pills started, pills stopped, pills started ad infinitum.

And in the midst of it all, there would be me, trying to find ways to have a life that seems to me worthwhile despite all the weird things my body and my medications are doing.

I hope it would be a positive story, despite all the setbacks.

I asked some other lupies what the movies of their lives would be called, here's what they said:

• " A life half lived" - Julie
• "The Battle Inside" or "I'm Killin' Me!" - Renee
• "LU?US"  L.ets U.ndo P.eoples U.ndesereved S.uffering.. because  ......L.upus U.nfairly P.unishes U.s S.everely. -Randall
• "Life with the Butterfly" - Patricia
• "Is There Life Out There?" - Jeannine
• "Lupie, Purple Butterfly"  or "Purple Butterfly, Battle Within" - Myra
• "Lupus Living Nightmare" -Maria
• "Rebellion: Attacking Lupus" - Maggie
• "Counting the Spoons!" - Garnet
• "The Invisible Battle" - Melinda
• "Death Becomes Her" - Courtney
• "Duel in the Sunshine!" - Judy
• "Carry On Regardless" - Julie
• "The Rage Inside" - Kimberly
• "I Know I Look Well!" - Christel
• "The Daily Struggle" - Kathleen
• "Here We Go Lupty Lu" - Suzie
• "Pyjama Day Again" - Amy
• "No Pain No Gain" - Anne
• "Girl Interrupted" - Rose
• "Lupie Madness!" - Michele
• "Living Dead" - Angie
• "Fatigue" - Char-less
• "Miserable Me" - Rolinda
• "Mayhem" - Di
• "Oh Loopy" - Sal
• "Lucky Me" - Kim
• "El Transformó Mi Vida" - Monchy
• "Hard Times" - Rena
• "Fearless" - Sheri
• "YES it is Lupus!" - Karen
• "Lupus Warrior" - Lisa

Some of these movies would be epic stories of battling against the odds.  Some would be sad but sweet stories of people putting on a brave face for the people they love.  Some would be dramas about someone juggling all the elements of life, with an extra set of challenges that no-one else suspects. Some might even be madcap comedies about brain fog and practically living in the doctor's surgery.  Every one of them would be different, unique.  Everyone experiences this disease differently, and everyone handles the challenges it presents differently.  Every story is worth telling.

Coming Out of a Flare (Hopefully)

Something's changed just in these past couple of days.  Maybe longer, but I've actually noticed it the past couple of days.

I've been getting more done before becoming exhausted.

At first, I started having the energy to post more frequently on this blog.  It had been more and more sporadic as I found myself more and more fatigued and sleeping most of the day.

I started finding the energy to take the dog for a short walk some days, and to face my overgrown garden and start to work on it again some days.  To start with, I was alternating, ten minutes gardening one day, ten minutes walking the other. I also started work on a sewing project for my granddaughter that I'd been putting off.

Yesterday, I stunned myself.  I did both.  I took my dog for her walk and I planted out some new things in the garden.  I could barely believe it.  It's been months and months and months since I was able to do anything so incredible.

Last night I realised that I was probably coming out of a flare I'd been in.

Then I realised I was so exhausted I was no longer communicating coherently, and went to bed.  The pain was so bad that after lying there trying to go to sleep for a couple of hours, I ended up getting up for some endone (oxycodone) and a sleeping pill.  At that point, I thought maybe I'd been kidding myself and I wasn't really coming out of a flare, just pushing myself too far.

What happened next was a miracle.  I got up this morning and stayed up.  It's after 5pm and I haven't had, or needed, a nap.  If this continues I can see all sorts of wonderful things happening, for example I might actually be able to go to church.  It's been ages, but when I've managed to drag myself there, I've either slept through the service or been shaking with the effort of keeping myself awake.

I'm starting to get tired now, but I went grocery shopping today, and, as I said, I didn't have my four-hour nap after breakfast.  Even if it proves to be a very early night, I think I'll still celebrate what seems like a siginficant improvement.

It Could Have Been Me

Every now and then I hear about another person who has died in the fight against lupus. Sometimes, it's someone I've come to know through my online networks, sometimes it's a name and a face that sparks a vague recollection, sometimes it's someone I don't think I've encountered at all.

While I only really grieve over those I've had some interaction with, reading about a lupie's death always pulls me up short, and leaves me in shock for a few hours.

Today, as news was shared and reshared about another death, someone gave words to that shock I always feel.  She posted: "That could have been me."

"Lupus" means "wolf", the disease got its name from rashes that looked, to someone anyway, like wolf bites.

This wolf is no tame little lap dog.  No-one gets to control it.  It's a creature of pure malevolent evil. It stalks us constantly. If it's not actively attacking us, it's planning the next attack.

We fight back with drugs with trying to keep to a basically healthy lifestyle, by trying to avoid things we know are triggers.

But the wolf is unpredictable, and we never know where the next attack is coming from.  As hard as we fight, it's determined to fight harder.

So when one of us falls, we all pause for a bit, and recognise, that could have been us. And we look around at family, friends, things we want to achieve, all the reasons we have to live, and we determine to fight even harder.

Then we complete the thought: "That could have been me, but today it wasn't.  I'm still in the fight, and I'm going to give it everything I've got, because I plan to win."

Looking on the Bright Side

The limited energy I have means I have to make choices every day.

I could take my dog for a ten minute walk, or I could do ten minutes work in the garden.  I don't have the energy to do both those things.  (Thankfully, my dog loves playing in the yard and "helping" me garden.)

I could spend an hour or so writing, or spend an hour or so on art or sewing.  Again, it's only one of those things, and then I need to rest.

If I go shopping, I can walk for a short while and get into places that are awkward for mobility scooter,  or I could take the scooter and go further, do more, and stay out longer, but I can't get into places that have limited accessibility.

Every day I make lots of choices, deciding how to use my limited energy each day.

There's another, equally important choice I have to make every day.

I can look at my draw full of medication, and be dismayed. Or I can look at it and be glad that these drugs have made it possible to have a quality of life that I wouldn't have if they weren't available.

I can be miserable about not being able to do a job I loved any more, or I can do other things I love, reading, writing, arts and crafts, being with people I love.

I can be annoyed that I don't go out very much, or I can be appreciative that I have a house that so perfectly meets my needs, and also provides shelter for my family.

I'm not minimising depression that can go with chronic illnesses.  I'm first to confess that I do get overwhelmed at times, especially when brain fog makes me vague and confused.  That drawer of medications includes an anti-depressant.

What I'm saying is that the story is bigger than that.  I can't, and I don't expect you can, force myself to be ecstatic when everything's bleak.  And I know if I'm in the pit of depression, getting out is a long, slow, process. I don't want to go back there. What I can do, is choose the way I look at whatever's right in front of me.

There's at least two sides to every story, every day we choose which side to focus on.

Worth A Check

I went for a bone density test recently.

Normally, that's something you start to do a couple of years after menopause.  I'm only starting on that particular delight now.

I went because I've been on steroids for almost a decade.

My results are, OK, and I wasn't worried they would be, because I've been careful.

I've known for quite a while that prednisone depletes vitamin D from the body.  (My rheumatologist knew that as well, which is why he told me to take vitamin D supplements, and checks my levels along with my blood test from time to time.)

I also know that the natural way we get vitamin D is through exposure to ultraviolet light, such as sunlight.  Sunlight's never agreed with me, so I've been quite dutiful about taking the vitamin D supplements.

Vitamin D and calcium are necessary for strong bones , to prevent osteoporosis. So as well as taking the supplements, I'm careful to eat lactose-free dairy products so I have sufficient calcium.

Despite the care, my gerontologist (who I see because my brain acts old, not because I'm actually old) suggested it would be a good idea to do the test, so we can see where things are now, and have a baseline to see if things change over time.

It was no big deal, but just another thing to add to the pile of scans, xrays, etc, and a good reminder as to why I need to be careful of taking vitamin D and eating calcium. After all, with gravity and inanimate objects constantly attacking me and making me fall over,  I really don't want bones that would break easily.

If It Doesn't Come From Someone Who Is Qualified, It's Not Real Medical Advice

I recently saw an article being shared around Facebook.  It said people with lupus shouldn't take
chemotherapy drugs.  Who was the person who had the expertise to write this? Was it a world-renowned rheumatologist? A medical researcher?

 The author's name tugged at my memory.  He was featured on an episode of The Checkout not all that long ago. His job was selling blenders on an infomercial.  He did claim some medical expertise on the basis that his parents were doctors. My father was an electrician, but that doesn't qualify me to rewire your house.

Hopefully, most lupies didn't fall for that.

I fell for something similar a few years back.

I went for a regular eye test, and filled in a form for a new optometrist which included all my medication (plaquenil being one medication I was taking.)

The optometrist told me I the plaquenil was damaging my macula and I should stop taking it immediately.  I said I had an appointment with my rheumatologist in a couple of weeks, I'd talk to him about it.  The optometrist said something along the lines of: "You could wait that long, but only if being able to see isn't all that important to you."

I stopped my plaquenil. By the time I saw my rheumatologist, my lupus was flaring.

The rheumatologist sent me to am opthalmologist.

The opthalmologist (eye specialist) told me two important things: firstly, I did not have a macular problem at all, and secondly, plaquenil maculopathy was so rare that most optometrists wouldn't recognise it if they saw it.

I never went back to that optometrist again. I did, however, see the opthalmologist every year while I took plaquenil, just in case.

So that's general advice from someone who doesn't know, specific advice from someone who didn't know,  what other advice do we get?

There's always the friendly advice:  "Don't let lupus control you, just get out and do what you want to do."  Fine, but right now I'm in agony and exhausted and all I want to do is take some pain relief and go to bed.  "You need something to boost your immune system."  Yes, well my immune system's trying to kill me, so I don't want to give it any help.  "You just need to get out in the sun more." Do you have any idea what happens to me when I go out in the sun? "You need more exercise."  Exercise causes me a lot of pain and can trigger a flare, I do what I can, but I can't push it further. "You should take some B12." If it shows up lacking on my blood tests, my doctor will tell me and then I'll take it.

Then there's TV doctor advice.  Some of the people who play doctors on TV talk shows might actually be qualified as doctors, but there's no guarantee. If they give general advice, even if it might be good for some people, no two people are the same, and lupies find we all have different experiences and different medications that help.  General advice is not a replacement for your own doctor's advice.

I'm not saying there's no reliable information around.  There's rheumatologists who blog, there's really good reference books, like Dr Donald Thomas' Lupus Encyclopaedia. Check who's giving the information, and what their qualifications are.  A practicing rheumatologist should have a current working knowledge of treating lupus.  But these are for general information.  I'm sure rheumatologists who blog or write books would be the first to say that reading their work  is not a substitute for seeing your own rheumatologist.  Rheumatologists writing on the net and in books can give you information, tell you about what tests mean, warn you about the side effects of medication, but they haven't seen you and they haven't looked at your test results and they don't know what is the best treatment personally for you.

So what I'm saying is, accept information from informed sources (but check that those sources are informed), but when it comes to actual medical advice about your actual treatment, check with your doctor.

The Adventures of Lupie in the Fog

I could do with a coffee. I'll make one. Oh wait, I've already made one.  It's right here, and still warm. I just forgot to drink it.

Yuk!  How many times did I sweeten that? Maybe I haven't drunk it because it was too sweet?

I seem to have read this same paragraph a dozen times or more, and I still can't make sense of it.

Maybe I should make a coffee.  Oh look, there's one right here and it's still warm, I must have forgotten to drink it.  Ergh! Too sweet.  I must have forgotten I'd already sweetened it, and done it again.

I've read this paragraph before, I think.  It seems familiar, but it still doesn't make sense.

Maybe I need a coffee...

Lupus Research at Australian National University

I think I've mentioned before, probably a number of times, that my super-heroes don't wear tights and capes. They wear lab coats.  They're working on saving my life, and the life of other lupies around the world.

We haven't got a cure yet, but we haven't been forgotten, either.  There's lots of people working on trying to piece this problem together.

The Centre for Personalised Immunology at the Australian National University has given me this explanation of the amazing work that they're doing at the moment, to share with you all.

I know everyone and their dog is always after you for money, but if you have some to spare, you can donate to the Centre's work here.

Lupus research at the Centre for Personalised Immunology

Background

The global prevalence of lupus is about 10 per 100,000. Lupus is much more common in women (by about 9: 1). Many patients present between 20 and 45 years of age, but lupus can affect men and women of any age. Sometimes, even children are affected.

Lupus can affect the body in many different ways. Most typically, patients present with a butterfly rash across their cheeks, joint aches and pains, mouth ulcers and chest pains. Other significant problems include inflammation in the kidneys (lupus nephritis), inflammation in the nervous system (cerebral lupus), and problems with the blood count (haemolytic anaemia and immune-mediated thrombotyopenic purpura (or ITP). At the moment, lupus is a chronic condition because there is no cure. Lupus disease activity often fluctuates over time, with patients experiencing flare-ups and then periods of disease remission. 

We know that lupus is an autoimmune disease. This means that in patients with lupus, the immune system goes awry and recognises elements of the body as if they were microbes. In other words, the immune system treats otherwise healthy parts of the body as if there were a serious infection present, and this leads to chronic inflammation and tissue damage.

There are other autoimmune diseases besides lupus. These include autoimmune thyroid disease (Hashimoto’s thyroiditis and Graves’ disease), pernicious anaemia, Sjogren’s syndrome, rheumatoid arthritis). Sometimes, these other conditions also occur in patient with lupus, or in their close relatives. Clustering of autoimmune diseases within families provides evidence that lupus, and indeed all autoimmune diseases, have a significant genetic component.

All current treatments for lupus are aimed at reducing inflammation and suppressing the immune response. Most of these treatments, however, are quite non-specific and suppress the immune responses that contribute to lupus, but at the cost of suppressing the immune responses necessary for fighting infections. Ultimately, we need to find more specific treatments, which depends on a better understanding of the mechanisms of lupus.

Our research strategy

The immune system is extremely complicated and therefore even once we have narrowed the cause of lupus down to a problem with immunity, it remains an enormous challenge to understand the precise nature of the abnormality. We are taking several different approaches to this problem.

In general, we are seeking to understand the genetic specification of abnormalities in immunity that lead to lupus. The technical challenges for performing this sort of research are substantial. We have been working on these questions for quite some time and have established significant research infrastructure to perform state-of-the-art genomics analysis, which enables us to identify single genetic variants anywhere within the 3 billion bases that make up the human genome. Analysis of genomes from patients with lupus or other immune disorders provides the first step in the discovery pathway. Each individual harbors thousands of genetic variants and the difficult task is to understand how these might alter normal immune function. This is where our efforts are concentrated. In order to accelerate this process, we also stratify our discovery based on the knowledge that:

1. Severe cases of immune-mediated disease sometimes yield answers more readily than milder cases. For lupus, severity can be assessed by early age of onset, unusually severe or refractory manifestations. Detailed analysis of patients with severe cases can then provide signatures of genetic and immune abnormalities that are more obvious. Once we have identified these signatures, we can then proceed to look for the same abnormalities in patients with milder disease.
2. Genetic predisposition would predict an increased incidence in relatives with lupus. We are investigating families in which more than one person is affected by lupus or autoimmune disease.

How is this work funded?

Our progress in the area was recently recognized by the award of a Centre of Research Excellence grant from the National Health and Medical Research Council of Australia. This is a highly prestigious grant and recognition of consistently high quality work. It also represents acknowledgement of the potential for our approach to make important progress in understanding diseases, including sarcoidosis. More information about the centre can be found here: http://jcsmr.anu.edu.au/research/cpi.

How do I get involved?

Patients provide written informed consent to participate. After this, we proceed to extensive gene sequencing (whole exome or whole genome sequencing). Once candidate genes are identified, then detailed laboratory analysis is performed to try and identify which genetic abnormalities are instrumental in causing disease. Some of this work is performed on patient lymphocytes obtained from a blood test.

Good News - Well, Eventually

I had a talk with someone from Australian National University today, and I'm really excited about the work they're doing on ways to treat a specific individual patient.

As most of us have experienced, up until now, lupus treatment is often hit and miss.  We try one medication, if it doesn't work we try another, our our doctors have us try again and again, until we find a cocktail that keeps everything under control.

The research into personalised treatment sounds like it could, eventually, change all of that. It's sort of like, give them your genes, and they'll give you the right treatment for you.  But, of course, it's more complicated than that.

I'm hoping one of the researchers will be able to do a post for this blog, to explain, far better than I could, what they're doing.  I really think this is some of the good news we've all been waiting for.

While you wait to read all about it, maybe you'd like to help them out.  Here's the link to their donation page.

Seen It All? Not Likely!

Just when I think I've seen it all, another symptom appears out of nowhere.

Today, I woke up with pins and needles in the fingers and thumb of my left hand.  It was nowhere else, just the left digits.

After a couple of hours, the pins and needles stopped, but my fingers still didn't feel "normal" for an hour or two more.  They just felt "heavy" or "dull".

By coincidence, I was seeing a GP today anyway, just for some prescriptions, so I asked about it. (My regular GP is on holidays, this was someone else at the same practice.)

The GP had three theories. It could be a pinched nerve, because my left shoulder was extremely painful today.  It could be the vascular changes that go with lupus, since some vascular oddities have already been observed in my brain. Thirdly, it could be something completely different, he didn't know what.

The decision? Don't worry about a once-off, but if it happens again, ring the rheumatologist.

Note to Self

Even if I am only going to the garden to snip the tops off the basil plants so they don't go to seed;

1. I do need my gumboots, a pair of thongs won't do. (That's flip flops for Americans.) 
2. I do need my walking stick.

Results of a five minute job in the garden?

1. Scraped shin (but it's hard to see where the skin's missing because it looks quite a bit like my rash, so that's all good then.)
2. A few extra bruises.
3. Some serious pain in my back and my "good" hip.  (I don't have a right hip and a left hip, I have a good hip and a bad hip.)
4. Nothing appears to be broken, so I guess it's all good.

Tell Me Your Story

You may remember that in 2013 my World Lupus Day project here was the Warrior's Wall. I asked
you to tell me briefly what you wanted the world to know about lupus, and many of you very brave lovely lupies sent in your photos and comments.

This year, I want to do a project that will go all through May.  I want your stories in a longer format.  Throughout May I want to share posts written by lupies who read this blog.

I  don't want to tell you exactly what to write about, but some ideas might be:

• Life before/after lupus. What changed?
• How has your family responded to your condition?
• Adventures in brain fog or pain or fatigue, or any other symptom.
• What do you wish you'd known when you were first diagnosed?
• Who are your heroes? How do they inspire you as you deal with lupus day by day?
• What do you think when you think about the future?
• Is it "better" to have a visible or invisible illness?
• What do you use for strength to get through the bad days?
• What's the best way to make the most of a good day?
• Have you found a way to do some everyday tasks that is less painful/fatiguing?
• Whatever else you'd like to share with the world in a blog post.
• If you have a blog, facebook page or other place where you talk about lupus that you would like to share, please include the link.

Please try to keep it to 1000 words or less.  (A bit more than the 100 word limit I gave you in 2013.)

Email your post and your photo, with your name, country and year diagnosed to:

iris@sometimesitislupus.com.  Please send it by the end of April, so I know if I'm publishing one a week, one a day, five a day, or whatever throughout the month.    (Oh, usually, I ask for just your first name, but this is a whole blog post, so whole name would be great - but just first name is still OK if you're a bit shy.)  Please put "My Story" as the heading on your email.  

I'm looking forward to reading stories from lots of lovely lupies. The more the merrier.

I Don't Mean to be a Burden

If you watch the news some days, you might be forgiven for thinking that the Disability Support
Pension is overly-generous and given to far too many people.

Headlines like "Disability Support Pension Burden Hits $17bn This Year" do nothing to  make people think that perhaps people who need the pension are not getting it.

The idea that the DSP is out of control, and needs to be brought back into line, has been supported by three successive responsible ministers: Kevin Andrews, Scott Morrison, and now Christian Porter. Clearly with changes of minister, and even a change of Prime Minister, the Government's view on the DSP hasn't changed.

It is true that the number of people receiving the DSP has reached record levels.  It's also true that the actual population of Australia has reached record levels.  Add to that, that the retirement age (particularly for women) increased about a decade ago, so people have spent more time on the DSP before moving to the aged pension, and the increase is not all that dramatic.

The government has begun working on ways to reduce the cost of the DSP.  In the 2014 budget, DSP recipients under 35 had their ability to work reassessed. It was planned to remove as many people as possible from the pension.

The rules for qualifying for the DSP have been tightened up, to the point where a terminally ill man was refused the pension, on the grounds that he could recover and return to work.  The effort to save money by not granting the DSP has lead to the administrative cost of dealing with appeals.  Ten percent of appeals have resulted in the appellant receiving the DPS.

Long before these rules were tightened, I knew a number of lupies whose doctors insisted they stop work - but who Centrelink refused the DSP to.  This begs the question: when a lupie's own doctors and specialists say don't work, and the Government says you can't have DSP, how is the lupie meant to survive?

Another means of saving the government money has come from a new way the government assesses income from defined benefit superannuation funds when considering the amount of pension paid.  This affects both aged and disability pensions.

The rationale behind this was that some couples were getting $120,000 per year from defined benefit funds, yet were still able to collect a pension.  On the surface, that looks like a significant loophole to close - but not everyone on a defined benefit fund receives that kind of money.  I receive about $6000 a year from my superannuation fund, and that has been enough to cause my DSP to be reduced under the new assessment rules. My income hasn't gone down quite as much as some other people I know of, but it will mean a tightening of my personal budget. (My personal budget is going to be more stressed, because one of my regular medications is no longer subsidised under the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme. The drug, paracetamol, was cut from the scheme, because it's a cheap over-the-counter medication people take once a while for headaches and minor pain,  except when it's in the higher dosage everyday version for people with chronic pain.)

So the squeeze is on for people with all kinds of disabilities.  Getting a pension is getting harder and harder.  Keeping it isn't guaranteed. And if there's any "loopholes" out there that mean some people are getting more than their share, you can be sure it will be closed, even if it affects the people who weren't getting all that much anyway. 

I get it.  The DSP is a massive "burden" if you look at it in terms of dollars. But it's not just a matter of dollars.  It's a matter of vulnerable people, people who are sick and disabled, people who in general, didn't choose to be sick and disabled.  When did we cease to have value as human beings and just become a financial "burden"?

Oh, if you see a "tip jar" with a request for your loose change appear on this blog, you'll know why.

Lupus Survey

Hi Lovely Lupies,

Can you help me out for one of my projects for World Lupus Day this year?

Please fill in the survey on this page, and ask all of your lupie friends to do so as well?

The more people who fill it in, the more useful the information can be.

The survey closes on 9 May, 2016, and I'll share the information learned from it the next day.

Thanks in advance,

Iris.

(PS, Keep an eye out for more World Lupus Day projects you can help out with.  This May, as well as World Lupus Day, I'm celebrating my 50th birthday, and the 5th anniversary of starting this blog.  It's a big year for me, and I want to do some exciting things.)




Update: The Survey has closed. You can read the results here.

When One Day At A Time Is Too Much

 A long time ago in a city far away, I joined Weight Watchers and was dismayed that I had to lose a little over 15kg.  (That doesn't seem so bad now, when I need to lose more than 50kg.)  At the time, the very wise lecturer gave me some important advice: just think about the first 5kg.  The rest can wait until you've done that.

It's good advice for any large task, break it down into smaller, more manageable chunks. 

There's an old song that asks Jesus to "teach me to take one day at a time."  It's about breaking life down into manageable chunks.

Sadly, for many of us with lupus, a day at a time can be to much to deal with.

If you have a list of things to do today, and it all looks too much, stop looking at it all.  Just pick one task and break it down into its smallest possible parts.  Then chose one small part you're confident you can do. Just one.  When you get through that, have a rest if you need to, before you look for another one little thing you can do.

For example, if one of the tasks you need to do today is to clean the kitchen, break that down into: unload the dishwasher; load the dishwasher; put things away; wipe down the benches; wipe down the stove; sweep the floor; mop the floor; take out the rubbish.  Then choose, just one of those smaller tasks. Do it. Give yourself credit for achieving something.  Have a rest if you need to. Come back when you're able to do the next little bit.

When a day at a time is too much, it's OK to take life an hour, or a minute at a time.

Back on Track

Years ago, I was a weight-loss success.

It's a while since I've shared my struggle with my weight.

As many lupies know, losing weight while taking steroids is a major challenge, and the older I get the harder it seems to be.

I may have always had a bit of a weight issue, but many years ago, I got control of it.  In my early 20s I was a Weight Watchers success story.  I got to my goal weight and stayed there.  I gained during two pregnancies, and then got back to my goal weight in reasonable time. (Actually, in the first pregnancy, I was so sick that I lost an extra 5kg before I started gaining, so I was below my healthy weight for a while.)

Not only was I a success at my own weight loss, I was a Weight Watchers leader for a while, and helped other people reach their healthy weight goals as well.

Major life events have got me off track at times, but for at least a decade I was always able to bring my weight back under control with a bit of effort.

Fast forward to lupus and prednisone.

More recently, I've been up to twice my healthy weight.
 (I was attempting to make an L-sign for lupus awareness.)

Since starting on prednisone, my weight has been out of control.

I've tried again and again to get it under control, and again and again, it's got away from me.

At my worst I've been up to 115kg.  (My healthy weight is in the range of about 52-60kg).

My rheumatologist keeps telling me to lose weight - but with prednisone, it's hard.

Prednisone makes me hungry almost all the time, but apart from that, it just seems to make weight stay on and stay on, even when I do everything right.

It causes lovely things like the "buffalo hump"  that makes me look a bit like Quasimodo.  So the weight isn't just staying, it's staying in weird places.

So what's happened to make me determined to try again?

On Christmas Day I ate too much.  Not only that, but most of the food available where I celebrated Christmas was full of gluten, and I decided to just eat and deal with the consequences.

The consequences were that I was so sick that I couldn't face food.

Do you know what happens after a couple of days of eating hardly anything?  Well, for me, it means not really wanting to eat a lot.  It's the perfect time to start to get control of my eating,  to go back to the habits that got me to a healthy weight and helped me stay there for years.

So, when I was ready to start eating again, I installed the Calorie King app on my phone, I filled the fridge with fresh healthy non-processed and minimally-processed foods, and I began recording everything I eat.

I know how to do this.  I've done it before.  I just have to stick to it, and sweat out the times prednisone tells me to eat and eat and eat, and not get discouraged when prednisone and lupus make me retain so much fluid that it seems I'm packing on weight.

I'll keep you informed how I go.  If you're a long-term reader, you know I've tried this before.

What makes now different?  I turn 50 in May.  (Actually this blog turns 5 at the same time.  For those readers who've been with me from the beginning, can you actually believe it's been this long?  I'm having trouble getting my head around it.)

I'm getting older. I'm sick.  I don't need to be fat as well.  So prednisone or no prednisone, I'm determined to overcome this time.

And it would be good to force my rheumatologist to have to come up with a new lecture.  "I prefer my patients to have an hourglass figure," is starting to get old.

A Bit of Understanding

Sometimes, I find people are incredibly understanding.

Take the friend whose birthday party I'm going to tonight.

The invitation came with the offer of a bed for the night, so I wouldn't have to try to get home tired.  Then, since the party's in Brisbane and I live in Ipswich, my friend asked someone who's coming from further away to provide transport for me.

We're going very early, so the lady who is driving can help set up and I can have a rest before the other guests arrive.

So my friend not only invited me to her party, but organised transport and accommodation and took into account rest times.

I'm very blessed to have people who are this understanding in my life.  My hope, and prayer for other lupies is that you also have such wonderful friends who understand what lupus is like, and make it easier for you to join in celebrations and other "normal" activities.

Lupus Crossword Puzzle

After yesterday's quiz, I thought I'd try making a crossword puzzle about lupus.

If it doesn't load on this post on your computer, you can find the link to the original, on the crossword puzzle host site here: http://www.puzzlefast.com/en/puzzles/20160104940360.

Lupus True and False Take the Quiz

Lupus True or False

Lots of myths surround lupus.

Can you tell the difference between the myth and the reality?

1. The cause of lupus is known.

True
False


2. Lupus has periods of inactivity, but never really goes away.

True
False


3. Lupus is frequently accompanied by other autoimmune conditions.

True
False


4. Lupus is contagious.

True
False


5. Only women get lupus.

True
False


6. Lupus is the same as AIDS or HIV.

True
False


7. You can fix lupus if you "boost your immune system".

True
False


8. Lupus can affect any organ of the body.

True
False


9. Sore joints and fatigue are common symptoms in lupus.

True
False


10. A person with lupus just needs to buck up, do more exercise, and get some sunlight.

True
False


11. Lupus is "all in the head", so just get over it.

True
False


12. You can tell by looking at someone if they're really sick.

True
False


13. Many lupus patients minimise their symptoms so as not to trouble those around them.

True
False


14. Lupus always presents with a "butterfly rash" on the face

True
False

How did you go?







Want more information?


1. Researchers are working on it, but there's still more questions than answers; 2. Lupus can flare and then become inactive, no-one really knows why it comes or why it goes, or why it comes back; 3. Many lupies also have symptoms of fibromyalgia, sjogren's or a number of other conditions; 4. We don't know what causes it, but we know you can't catch it from someone else; 5. About 10% to 20% (depending on which source you read) of lupies are men;  6. In AIDS/HIV the immune system is not active enough, in lupus, it's over-active; 7. If the things that are meant to "boost your immune system" actually worked, they would make lupus worse. Treatment for lupus frequently aims to suppress the immune system. 8. Sad, but true. It's also unpredictable. 9. It's something lots of lupies complain about.  10. Sunlight can make lupus worse, and too much exercise (and the wrong type of exercise) can damage inflamed joints. 11. Lupus is real, and really is life-threatening; 12. Lupus is one of many "invisible illnesses" many lupies don't look sick. 13. We really don't want to worry everyone around us, so if we complain that it's bad, it's incredibly bad;  14. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't, and it can vary from day to day with the same person.