Time for a Temper Tantrum

I've had issues with cognitive dysfunction for years.  I've had brain scans and other tests, and the only thing of any real note was some vascular changes, which were put down to "normal lupus."

For a couple of years, my GP had me going for regular check-ups with a gerontologist/neurologist, who would monitor my cognitive function.  It was only ever a little bit off, and wasn't getting any worse, so when I forgot to make the next appointment, my GP and I both just shrugged it off and said it probably wasn't worth going back anyway.

A couple of weeks ago, I needed to see my GP for new prescriptions, and found that my GP had left the practice, and I had to see a new doctor. It was the typical lupie first appointment with a new GP, she looked at my record on the computer and said I was down for a lot of medications, some of those must be old things I wasn't taking anymore. I gave her my list of medications (and what they're all for), and yes, I'm still on all those meds.

Fast forward to this week.

Someone mentioned an incident to me, that was the kind of thing no sane person could possibly forget.  It was something huge. I had absolutely no recollection of it whatsoever.

I freaked out.  If I have forgotten that, what else could I have forgotten? How much of my memory have I actually lost?

I set up a phone appointment with the new GP, for this Friday. (It's the earliest appointment I could get.)  I was planning to ask for a referral to a neurologist.

Then yesterday, I started shaking uncontrollably.  It started about midday, and continued until I went to bed.  Weird, I thought, but it was a very cold day, and even though I had a jacket on, the air-conditioner set to heat and a blanket wrapped around me, it sort of still made sense.

Today is not so cold.  Today around midday, I've started shivering uncontrollably.  If I hold my teeth shut tight together so they don't chatter, my whole head shakes wildly.  The only time anything like this has happened to me in the past, I had a raging fever.  I don't have a fever now.

I still have an appointment for the doctor on Friday.  I should just add this weird new symptom to my list of things to talk about with her.

But, and it's a big but:  I'm not just looking at this weird new symptom as some kind of curiosity.  Combined with the big, big issue of what I've forgotten, I'm actually scared.

What I really, really want to do, is lay on the floor and kick and scream and yell, that I don't want the new doctor! I want my doctor! The one I've been seeing for years.

Unfortunately, that kind of behaviour is frowned upon in people over the age of two.

So I'm going to do what I have to do.  Deal with it.  I'm going to talk as calmly as I can with the new doctor and hope she knows what to do about all of this. If all else fails, I'll try to get an extra appointment with my rheumatologist. In the meantime, I'm going to try to keep busy and avoid thinking about what I don't know or don't remember.

Best Blogs and Other Bits

Hello lovely lupies,

Healthline's Best Lupus Blogs 2020.

Did you miss me?

I had intended to stay with you through the entire pandemic, but things happened.  First was the incident mentioned in my previous post, and then some family stuff including my mother being hospitalised repeatedly.  The stress from all of it combined led to a flare, so I've spent a couple of months in the flare, moving between lying on the couch, and sitting on the couch.

In the meantime, the first wave of Covid has come and gone, and a second wave is starting down in Victoria.  Even Queensland's state borders have reopened, to an extent. People from interstate can come here, under some conditions, with a border pass they have to apply for in advance.  At the moment people from Victoria can't come here at all.  We don't want any of those diseased southerners here thank you.  (Sorry to readers from Victoria.  You know I love you, I just prefer to love you from a safe distance right now.)

I've made face masks.

Preparing for the second wave, just in case it does get here, I've made some new face masks, for myself and for some other vulnerable family members.

Really, however, things here seem to be getting "back to normal".  (If someone knows what normal actually is, please let me know.) I have been out to physical shops, not just buying  things online. The church building is going to reopen, and I am going to miss going to church in my lounge room with coffee and wearing my pyjamas. My granddaughter is on school holidays, having had a term back at her physical school.




Aside from Covid-related matters, the news is that Sometimes, it is Lupus has made Healthline's Best Lupus Blogs for the year again. It's always lovely to realise that not only has someone read what I've written, but apparently liked it.

Hopefully, I will be with you now for whatever else 2020 is going to throw at us.